Comics, love and life

Dear Meeting My Metamour…

I will be meeting my metamour for the first time in a few weeks and I’m so nervous! I have been in a relationship with T for about a year, T has been in a long distance relationship with M for about nine months. I know they’re in love and M is moving to our city in a few months, so I really want this meeting to go well. Any advice for calming my nerves and starting this relationship between M and I off on the right foot?

Dear Meeting My Metamour,

I think that you want it to go well is a sign that you’re on track! As for calming your nerves, here are my ideas… Talk to T, get vulnerable. It may likely calm your nerves to talk about it with T. Tell T you are nervous, ask them to tell you more about M and for their advice on what you and M might share in interests. Maybe ask T if they think M is nervous too, you may find that you’re not the only one! Also, if M is moving to your area, think about what kind of friendship you want to have with M and ask T what kind of friendship M ight want to have with you. You can also ask M directly when you meet. Talk to other non monogamous friends that you know, ask to hear about their experiences with meeting metamours. Depending on the severity of your nerves, it may help to do breathing exercises when you start to feel anxious thinking about meeting M, or do something active, or  Do T and M Skype or google chat? Maybe it would help to have a brief digital introduction (something even as simple as just popping into their chat to say “Hello!” for just a moment) before the big meeting day. Remember that you and T care about each other and T and M care about each other, so the odds are that M is probably awesome too. Remember that you are awesome, T cares about you because of the great qualities you have. Feel free to invite T to remind you of those if you’re feeling super nervous or insecure about yourself. When you do meet M, ask them questions about themselves and listen, I find listening is usually a great way to make a good first impression. It may also help to do something active earlier in the day to also get positive chemicals floating around in your brain before the meeting. Maybe you can also bring a crafty, homemade gift for M to the meeting, something that M might enjoy. You can also break the ice when you meet M by telling them that you  have been feeling nervous and excited to meet them, again, you may find you were not the only one!

Good Luck,

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