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Dear Balancing Relationships…

Hi Blue, I’m involved in an intimate (non-romantic) relationship with about ten different people and I’m having serious trouble balancing my commitments without building resentment, causing hurt feelings, or being negligent. How can I work harder to be a more committed and reliable friend?

Dear Balancing Relationships,

While love may not be finite, time certainly seems to be.  I struggle with this myself, being a person that is passionate about many people and projects in my life. This is maybe a cliche poly-people thing, but Google Calendar can really help… or you know, just any calendar that you actively use.

If you’re feeling anxiety about close relationships and how you’re nurturing them, first, check in with yourself.  How often do you ideally want to spend time with this person?  Are you always wanting face-to-face time or will a 30-minute phone chat give you meaningful opportunity to connect for that relationship?  Do you want to spend more one-on-one time with this person or would they get along with another person that you are close with?  Can you schedule a hangout where you would be able to spend time with two of your favorite people at once to help you balance socializing time with other commitments?

Second, check in with your close friend, you may be worried about the amount of time your committing in the friendship but they may be feeling perfectly satisfied with the quantity and quality of time they are spending with you.  Communicate your thoughts and desires, hear theirs, find the intersections. This can also help manage both of your expectations and deepen the bond you already share by verbalizing the relationship’s importance to you and working out how you will navigate that together.

It’s so awesome for you to be thinking about your relationships more deeply, I hope that these thoughts might help!

Take care,

Blue

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